He had never been able to please any of his prep school teachers, so he had rebelled. But he could please these men. They had a use for him, and if he...did well, they said so. Even the Negroes had been nice to him, after he had served them. He would have much preferred a different way to serve them of course, but this is what they wanted from him. And frankly, he knew he wasn't really good for anything else. He had no skills. He was a poor and unmotivated student. He knew he was great looking.. . these feelings shocked me but excited me more, and instead of denying them, after a while I embraced them. They naturally evolved as I became a teenager, and by 14 I was having powerful day dreams about being killed.... the fantasy would be similar, I would be abducted, raped, taken in every hole and the final act would be a huge blade stabbing into me. I would come in waves and waves, sweating and panting as I imagined it entering my belly, cutting me open... my captors would crowd round,. We were sort of leaning back on some pillows, almost lying down. Halfway through the movie she turns and looks at me. I think she could tell I was paralyzed with nervousness. She quietly said "can I give you a hug?" Dumbfounded, I nodded. She gently wrapped her arms around me and snuggled up for the rest of the movie. When it ended, our friend looked at us and said what a cute couple we were. A week later we hung out at the mall just the two of us. I told her I'd never had a girlfriend before. If she chose this one she would be honest with Joe, hold nothing back when the time came to tell.She will have to think.At lunchtime, when the weather is warm, she goes out into the precinct to eat her lunch. She chooses the same bench each time, the one by the fountains. Usually, it's sandwiches brought from home, other times chips from the chippy, or maybe a pasty. Sometimes other girls from work keep her company. There is a new girl now. Dorothy is slightly younger than Caroline. She works.
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